They say you have to take a few losses (Ls) to get a win. (Never mind who “they” are.) The saying may be true, but the lines get blurry when you’re taking Ls at the hands of your potential partner. It’s not like we’re a generation of hopeless romantics, but somehow, we think that long-suffering seals the deal in relationships. There are certain things that you may have to compromise, but there are also some things that should be non-negotiable! Check out my list of 9 Ls you shouldn’t have to take to get/keep a man below!
Changing your personality
You are who you are. You are who you are. (I had to say it again for the people in the back.) Your personality is what makes you uniquely you. If you’re switching it out to attract or keep a man, that’s a super L. Sis, you’ve already lost. If he doesn’t want the real you, he’s not the one. (Please note that I’m not talking about changes for the better. By all means… have at it!)
Accepting cheating
This is a lifelong debate that spans generations. Some will tell you “all men cheat” so tolerance for this is must. I’d like to think that’s WILDLY false and comes off as a defeatist attitude. If you can get past his cheating and move forward, I won’t discourage you (if that’s what you want to do). However, staying with a cheater is definitely an L that you DON’T have to take.
Tolerating disrespect from his friends/family
In the event that his mom (or anyone else) hates you and is super vocal and nasty about it, you don’t just have to accept the fact that that’s how life is going to be. He should handle the situation in a way that everybody feels respected and valued. If he can’t do that and you are sentenced to just deal with disrespect, that’s not your L to take. You have your own mom and family members to deal with.
Financially supporting him completely
Potential is a hell of a drug. That’s typically what leads women to blindly financially support a man for years with no return. I get it. You want to hold your man down and encourage him to pick himself up, but after a certain point, it’s not your L. There’s no requirement that you do this in hopes of him finally realizing his potential. As much as I hope it pays off for anyone in this position, you have to be okay with yourself if it doesn’t. Nothing is guaranteed (including your spot in his life if he ever gets financially stable). That’s something to think about.
Abuse… period
This one is a no-brainer. It’s doesn’t matter if it’s emotional or physical, you were not put on this earth to have to put up with either. This has never been a requirement for ANYTHING good. Remember that. If anyone is abusing you, it’s definitely an indictor that they aren’t emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship. Don’t sympathize with this. Get out.
Delaying or stopping your dreams
We all have dreams for ourselves and I’m hoping most of us won’t stop until we realize those dreams. There’s no requirement to sacrifice our dreams for love. Real love would find a way to incorporate our dreams into the plan (at least I hope so). In other words, never dim your light to make someone else’s seem brighter.
Doing things outside of your sexual realm
Everybody isn’t super adventurous in the bedroom and not everybody has to be. What you do may be perfect for your guy. Don’t feel pressured to do things to prove that you aren’t a prude. If it makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to do it, sis. There are too many women brokering threesomes that they KNOW they don’t want to have for the purpose of keeping their men happy. Do what you “feel” and not what you think you MUST to keep him.
Jeopardizing your credit
People are way to comfortable asking for a co-sign/guarantor these days. If your man’s credit is less than stellar, you can assist him with improving it without signing your name on any dotted lines. This is not a test of loyalty or if you are “down”. Credit is forever and it’s definitely not an L you should take to get or keep a man. Keep your credit cute and your standards high. Otherwise, it won’t end well.
Jeopardizing your freedom
It blows me how many women I’ve heard of “taking charges” for their man. This type of ride or die mentality will land you in prison trading cornrows for commissary faster than you can blink. Don’t let the Bonnie and Clyde fantasy fool you. That would have never worked in today’s society. You have a future to think about and if he needs you to take a charge for him, he doesn’t take freedom seriously enough. Skate outta there quick! He can take his own charges!
While this list may have been humorous at some points, it’s a serious matter. Your value isn’t determined by being with anyone else, so these Ls that you may be willing to take are SUPER unnecessary. When you find yourself taking or preparing to take an L in a relationship, question if it will benefit you in the long run. Think highly of yourself and let the Ls chase someone else!
