Have you been told that you are too much to deal with?
Sis... you're probably not, but that statement has probably caused you to not be yourself in new relationship situations. How can he fall in love with you if you're not being YOU? While I won’t encourage you to be difficult just for the heck of it, altering your personality to be more appealing to a potential partner is just not the way to go. For the right guy, your strong personality will just be a part of you that he accepts and maybe even appreciates.
Stop trying to be the “cool girl”.
I remember reading and watching Gone Girl (a book adapted into a movie) and Amy’s desire to be the cool girlfriend stuck with me. She would go along with things she didn’t want to do and/or just allow things from her boyfriend because she didn’t want to seem like a nag. There was a desire to not be like the “other women” and nitpick things that weren’t big deals. If you watched the movie (or read the book), you know that her desire to be the “cool girl” may have earned her the ring, but it drove her crazy as two left shoes. (I think I needed a drink after finishing the book AND the movie!)
I went through a similar phase of being an apologist for my boyfriend (at the time). I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. In fact, I was overcorrecting from a previous relationship. I’d had reason to be insecure and untrusting, but I refused to come off as bitter or having too much baggage. This overcorrection caused me to ignore obvious disrespect in my new relationship. I was the cool girlfriend for sure, but it costed me. I was so cool that I put my feelings on the back burner. So many times, I’ve thought of how I could have saved both of us time by just “setting him straight” on the first sign of disrespect. So what if he didn’t want to be with me anymore after I got him together the first time? It would have answered a lot of questions and cut out a lot of wasted time!
It gets tiring trying to hide parts of you.
Amy in Gone Girl was able to keep the “cool girl” act going for years, but after a certain point, her true personality/character took over and she rejected the persona she’d developed in an attempt to be desirable. While her response and actions in the movie were outrageous, it’s a perfect example of why you shouldn’t dial back your personality to be what you think your potential partner wants you to be. It’s hard to be someone you THINK people will like over time. Imagine reaching your goal of getting married based on a fake persona. Now you’re left to spend forever “acting” as the person your partner fell in love with or show your true colors and face the music. Sheesh!
While I’m confident that you won’t turn into a murdering, scheming sociopath (don’t prove me wrong) from pretending to be cool too long, the story makes a dramatic point. No good can come from altering your personality and/or denying your true feelings to be with someone. None.
Be you, sis!
I’ve seen some of the most dramatic, high-strung, demanding, women married to men that adore them. I don’t hate on their love or really question how it works for the guy. I use it as proof that being yourself doesn’t have to mean that you are single for life. Am I encouraging you to be a horrible and abrasive person? No. I’m telling you to not water down your true character to fit a mold. If you know your attitude needs work, that’s something different. By all means, adjust it. Otherwise, take comfort in the fact that the right person is going to “feel you”… feel me?
