It’s absolutely possible to be addicted to a person. After spending a significant amount of time with a person and building routines with them, your mind and body will reject their absence when you remove them. Everything about you gets attached to your significant other so why would you be expected to drop the habit cold turkey? That’s just wishful thinking. In all honesty, you have to go through a full process of getting over your ex. Otherwise, you’ll fall into the common practice of occasionally sleeping with them or finding other non-productive ways to soothe your separation anxiety. Here’s a 12-step process for shaking your ex.
Step 1: Admit you’re still attached. Be honest about this. Most of us get cute and try to go out and be on every scene pretending the connection to our ex is dead. While this is good for keeping occupied (and maybe deterring their advances), it won’t help getting over him if you aren’t acknowledging there’s something to get over.
Step 2: Know that it will take more than your own will-power to shake him. Trust that your destiny is greater and bigger than what you could have achieved with your ex. Honestly, it’s probably the reason it didn’t work out. Rely on God (or whoever you choose as your higher power) to guide you.
Step 3: Accept that YOUR plan (to be with him) wasn’t the best for your life. It’s okay. We all plan our futures the way we see our lives going. The thing we can’t plan for is human nature. Everybody isn’t meant to be in our future and those that aren’t will find a way to eliminate themselves from the plan. It’s not up to us to make them fit.
Step 4: Take emotional inventory. Why is it that you are emotionally attached to your ex? What are they doing for you that you cannot emotionally do for yourself? Once you identify that, figure out ways that you can accomplish the same thing independently.
Step 5: Make an honest and complete list of why it didn’t/wouldn’t work. Reading and saying these words will help you move out of denial about what “could be”.
Step 6: Acknowledge that you are ready to fully let go of the person. Most people want to move on and hold on at the same time. This never works. You must let go to move on.
Step 7: Pray and/or meditate to strengthen your mind. Part of what leads you back into your ex’s arms is the fact that your mind isn’t strong enough to resist the urge/temptation. Triggers will come that will make it easy to find comfort in your ex’s arms. Your mind has to be ready to combat these things.
Step 8: Make of list of other relationships that your relationship with your ex may have damaged. It’s common for romantic relationships to impact friendships and family ties. Evaluate your relationship’s impact on other aspects of your life.
Step 9: If worth it, repair the relationships from the previous step. These repaired and meaningful relationships can be motivation to keep a distance from your ex.
Step 10: Acknowledge what you did wrong in the relationship and vow to not take those actions into the next relationship. This is setting you up to be a better romantic partner in your next relationship.
Step 11: Have close friends and family members cut unnecessary ties with your ex. People will use close family members and friends to stay close to you by association. If these connections can be severed, it will be better and more beneficial for your moving forward.
Step 12: Embrace your new routine and welcome positive change into your life. The removal of your ex from your life certainly opens the path for the person that is destined to be in your future.
It probably sounds like a lot of psychobabble, but getting over a person you were emotionally connected to is a mental process. Detaching physically comes after detaching mentally. These steps will help you mentally detach, and they will also prepare you for what’s to come. Give it a try and break those mental connections.
