"Angry sex is the best." I’ve heard soooo many people say this and actually START arguments for the sake of having angry sex. While angry sex may be a different animal because of the passion alone, it can’t and won’t sustain a meaningful relationship. Some believe that if you end an argument by initiating sex, the issue is dead. This couldn’t be further from the truth. While the issue may be dead in that moment, because you’re so busy “jumping each other’s bones”, (I love saying that) it will rear its ugly head later. It may even result in an argument that’s worse than the original. Here are 5 reasons why you should stop hunching your way out of hostility.
It’s only a distraction. Sex is not a solution to the argument. It’s merely thrown in the mix so that you and your partner aren’t thinking about the real conflict for however long it takes you two to finish. Once you’re done, the issue will come back up and sometimes it comes back worse than is was before. Try getting to the root of the problem before getting physical.
It rewards the behavior that caused the conflict. Rewarding your partner with sex during conflict only trains them to be comfortable with conflict. There’s more of an incentive to cause conflict than to work as a partnership (if you’re going to be rewarded with sex). Let’s face it. Although it’s a reward for you too, it’s definitely counterproductive.
It creates a mindset of being physical to solve conflict. In the case of having sex, we would consider that as “good physical”, but we don’t need those lines blurred. The appeal of angry sex is the passion attached. However, it’s that same passion that can drive non-sexual physical responses to anger. It’s best not to open that door.
Conflict in real life isn’t romantic or sexy like in the movies. It’s just not. Some movies and television shows would have us believe differently because we’re constantly shown conflict followed by passionate sex. They have the luxury of someone screaming “end scene!” and everything goes back to normal. It’s not quite that simple for us normal folks. In real life we don’t get to just erase a problem by simply having sex. (Could you imagine…?)
It becomes the only solution you have to offer. It’s important that you are the person that brings solutions to your partner and not problems. If sex becomes the only thing/solution you have to offer, your value in the relationship decreases. Sex is good AND important, but if that’s all you have… you’re incredibly replaceable. (I know it’s harsh, but I’m the brutally honest friend.) Don’t create this habit.
We’ve all probably wanted to take the easy way out of an argument (especially if we started it), but the easy way doesn’t create sustainable relationships. Now, if your relationship is purely physical and neither of you are looking for anything more, angry sex it up. However, if your relationship is founded on more than just physicality, you’ll only be hurting your relationship to solve your conflicts with sex. Listen, be considerate, and try meeting your partner halfway instead. Good luck… and don’t go starting arguments!